Book 1 of the Vampires, Werewolves and Paranormal Romance Series
Magic, mystery, and a match made in heaven… maybe.
Oh, and a somewhat mute aardvark, too.
**New Edition! Now absolutely and totally revised and rewritten!**
Hi. I’m Jayne. I know, plain human Jayne. But that’s not the story of my life. This book is.
It all started with a visit from the all-powerful Book Fairy. The very one that can turn the life of an author like me around.
It’s unfortunate we haven’t been on good terms. It’s even more unfortunate that when she finally deigns to visit me, it’s for murder. I mean, a murder. Damn articles, they really do make a difference.
Add in a kingdom on the brink of a breakdown and my fantasy lover, a vampire Prince who might just hate me, and things surely can’t get worse … right?
Warning: This has an inverse harem scene. If you don’t like group ceiling sex, this book might not be for you.
Actual Note: Mild profanity. This is a slow-burn romance with just the right amount of spiciness to feel comfortable reading on public transit, so long as you’re prepared to laugh out loud. Cliffhanger ending.
"So. Much. Fun."
"Five stars!"
"Have you ever been just delighted after reading a book, with a smile on your face?"
"I can't wait to read more"
"The book that I needed ... highly recommend"
"Hilarious dialogue ... delightful read"
"Every reader can find something to love here"
"A cozy happy hug ... enjoy after a hard day"
"What a book people, this was exciting and hilarious and I couldn't put it down."
"This is totally satirical fantasyland, and it's sweet and hot romance, besides!"
"I have not laughed this hard while reading a book in a while. I could not stop reading..."
"Paranormal creatures, romance, murder mystery, comedy it was awesome!"
"Don’t be fooled by the title, it couldn’t be further from the truth! I was gripped right from the start ..."
"Once I started I could not put the book down. There were so many laugh out loud moments, it was hard to read quietly."
"This first book is awesome. It has a good mix of everything."
"Don’t be fooled by the title. This fun, fantasy book was lighthearted and contained mystery, PNR, and a host of characters that kept me intrigued."
"Through the puns you read along the way, the mystery, the PNR the fantasy were all on point for me. I couldn't put this book down. Have I told you enough how much I loved this book? :)"
"...such a wonderful story. ... This book was so fun to read. The descriptions and characters within the story are so original and different..."
"This book was really funny and I really loved it!"
Excerpt
Chapter One
Ugh. The words just don’t feel right. It's been a while since my muse visited me and stories flowed smoothly, ideas practically penning themselves. Lately, my work is like an untended garden, weeds everywhere, hedges unpruned, and rodents running rampant. Simile overkill. Mixed visuals. Wrong words. My dreams of making it big time—in the Nobles’ circle or even performing for the Royal family—are fading farther out of reach. I might as well relegate them to my fantasies of the Prince Heir for all the chance I have of ever being more than a starving artist.
It probably doesn't help that I can’t stop thinking about Eliza’s review. That witch. (Pardon my word choice). She’s actually a human like me, Plain Jayne. Despite my red hair and delicate features, I’m most definitely boring compared to all the supernatural beings in Mythia. Eliza, too, is beautiful and also has no magic, but she was gifted with Talent. I like to think my keen intelligence and wit make up for my lack of Talent, at least in my mysteries. Eliza and I actually went to school together, but she’s in the Nobles’ circle now. I would say it’s given her airs, but she’s always had it out for me, and it’s only escalated.
“The worst story ever written,” she’d said. Ugh. I’d made an attempt at fantasy, a deviation from my normal mysteries. But who wants to read made-up fantasy when you have your choice of three magical countries filled with supernatural creatures?
My insecurity hounds me now, telling me my work's never good enough. And I hate to admit it, but maybe there's truth to that. My stories aren’t selling, and if I can’t come up with something amazing soon, I won’t make this month’s rent.
Determined, I face the paper once more. I’ve just got to do it; sex sells. The time has come.
“Get on all fours,” a smoky female voice emanates from beneath the hood. The voice enthralls him, and his wolf wants to come out to play. Confused, he scrambles to comply. She gestures, and a well-built man behind him comes into view, wearing only a pair of worn trousers.
“Ullrich, climb on top of him,” she orders, pulling out a stout, magicked wand.
“Wait, what? Hey, this is not what he signed up for.” The wolf’s eyes grow wide, recognizing the inversion spell.
“This is an Inverse Harem now.” She says the incantation and presses the sacred symbol. Done, the three gently levitate.
The wolf’s not sure about this. He’s never had sex on the ceiling before, let alone with multiple partners.
“If all the Nobles can do it, so can you. Get on the ceiling,” she says with a sultry smile and a commanding bite.
“That doesn’t even make any sense. They’re in the woods,” a feminine voice right beside my ear notes.
“AHH!” I jump up inelegantly and spin towards her, knocking my papers everywhere. A gorgeous blonde wearing dove-gray riding leathers tailored to her perfect curves stands in my living area looking at me with disdain.