Fear. When the bottom falls out and the free-fall is endless. That moment, when the worst hasn’t happened, but it still holds you in its grip and paralyzes your thoughts.
This is the element of Water in Chinese Medicine.
And like the yin-yang symbol, there are two sides to this coin. The other aspect of Water is wisdom.
Water is all about power, but do you let the power overwhelm you or do you flow with it? Do you contract into yourself, frozen? Or do you expand to fill your container, cleverly adjust your path, sneak into the smallest crack, and wear away the rock?
Water is primal and it is the first of the five elements, the winter-time. Born of the dark and cold, it is the place before manifestation. Here, the possibilities are endless. Here, ideas germinate. Here, you have a choice. To fight and resist the unknown, or to embrace it.
Three months ago, I floated between careers, spending my days alone but not alone, on call to my family, in a new city, looking out windows but not always venturing outside.
Fear would wake me up and keep me wide eyed. Is she still breathing?
A newborn’s cry would slice at my heart. What am I doing wrong?
But fear is just unmanifested power, and in time I turned the tide.
I did not really know what an indie author was three months ago. Now I know words like BISAC, bookstagrammer, and ad copy. I stumble, fall and get back up. I learn.
The bottom still falls out, but sometimes I can observe it. Sometimes, I can just feel the sensation of free-fall, and I find it’s an awful lot like flying. Even hovering sometimes, paused before the action. The possibilities are endless.
